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Monday, June 3, 2013

A Small Stone Spreads Vast Ripples

I live a fairly physically isolated life - 99% of my friends are online, most in other states and countries.  The few people I know outside of the Web aren't close enough friends to sit down and discuss deep personal topics with.  Therapists cost too much, bartenders don't care, and strippers cost more than a therapist does (heh).

So, every 3-4 months I take a weekend as INTROSPECTION WEEKEND - I spend all weekend looking at what I've been doing and where I'm heading, basically a 2 day long reality check.  This helps me maintain a reasonable perspective on my life and my goals, without spending hundreds of dollars or imposing on one of my Web friends too much.

Well, this weekend was pretty productive, and there will be some minor and some major adjustments in direction based on my discoveries and analysis.  I think it will be all for the better in the long run, certainly it's going to reduce my stress level a great deal.

In summary:

No more fighting myself to write novels/novellas.  I simply don't have the temperament to spend six months plus producing something that my mind is screaming at me should have been wrapped up in around 8000-10000 words.  My entire life has been fast multiple iterations to produce a product in less than 8 months and that has deeply penetrated every aspect of my life, even the creative.  Short stories, Web comics, poetry.. fine.  Novels and novellas, forget it!  Stop stressing myself out fighting my nature!

Second: I give up, I'm going to end up writing code as my career the rest of my life.  Due to issue #1 above, trying to become a decent-selling novel writer isn't going to happen.  Short stories won't pay my rent and computer habits.  I'm getting too old to retrain myself without quitting work for a year to focus on it and I don't have those resources.  So, I'm going to quit berating myself about and focus on ENJOYABLE personal projects and not stress-inducing high-pressure activities that net me nothing but ulcers.

Lifestyle changes: no more strip clubs, period.  That part of my has lingered on 5 years longer than makes any sense whatsoever.  Yes, I met a dancer and we fell in love once.  Yes, she died of Type 1 diabetes.  No, it's not happening again.  Time to face the face I've been waiting for lightning to strike the same place a second time and move on finally.

So, I have 2 Web comics I'm going to work on because it's going to be fun (damn it) and I'm going to enjoy using my writing AND art skills to produce interesting and humorous stuff - without a deadline.  Same for my Lovecraftian/weird fiction short stories, they start when I start 'em and they're done when I finish 'em, no deadlines, no pressure.

My day gig is stressful enough, why make my own life MORE miserable?  It's dim.

Nest reality check weekend will be in September.  Wheeeee!